Looking for Complex Blended Family Harmony? Start at the top:)

One sure fire thing I have learned is that our best chances of having blended family bliss is when my husband and I are feeling like total BFF's.  Sounds cheesy but it is so true!  To make this happen we find ourselves needing to do several things. 

1. Be sure to create some time every night just for one another.  Time to talk, work out issues, put to sleep for the night ongoing issues, cuddle and other activities we find fulfilling.  Once we agreed on the importance of this time it took some time to establish it, several months, maybe a year, but we did do it.  I can really count on this time.
2. We need to take full advantage of the hour and a half we have to ourselves each evening.  That means rarely watching  t.v. or doing other chores (bills, laundry, dishes) after 9:00pm.  You can probably guess what my house looks like.
3. When we have a disagreement about how to parent, spend money or complete chores we have a policy to react with kindness, not anger or sarcasm.  This isn't always accomplished but I would say, yes mostly.  Take a moment to process the anger, don't play the blame game, put yourself in your partners shoes and remind yourself of your commitment to work together.

When my partner and I are getting along well, our children feel it.  Our children feel it and we are united in a common goal to find harmony.  When co-parents leave us rushing for emergency child care or creating some sort of crisis.  When one or more kid begins acting out, we are more prepared to work together and respond with loving guidance.  It can be done.  Good luck to you and yours.

The Blended Family is the New Normal, really? How about Complex Blended Families

Okay so I hear from so many people and statistics online that say, one third of Americans are living in step family situations.  Blended/step families are on the rise.  It's the "new normal".  If I am the "new normal" why do I feel so alone?
 Coming from a complex blended family I rarely find myself talking with someone who really gets it.  (Sadly this includes our family and marriage therapist.)  At the playground with "my" three kids a Mom once remarked how different each of my children look, and I explained "that's my son from my previous marriage, that's my husbands daughter from his previous marriage and that one over there is our daughter from our current marriage."  "Oh how nice" she sincerely replied "you both have one from someone else and one together, that works our well!"  How nieve I thought.
We are a blended family looking for harmony.  Harmony between our kids, harmony with our co-parents and harmony with each other.  We see a family therapist, who I really value, mostly because I can threaten the hubby with telling on him to the therapist.  Unfortunalty he knows the same trick.  So basically, it keeps us accountable.  And I listen to so many books on tape and CD(while cleaning) I feel as if I am becoming a stepmom/mommy/relationship ninja.  My favorite that I play over and over is the Love and Logic parenting series.  The 1-2-3 magic parenting DVD changed our home for the better in a few short weeks.  I want to let all my friends and family borrow that one!
Now I do need to say I love my family and I am crazy in love with my husband, but the dynamics of the family require a lot of work.  Kids who go to  be early and a great sex life are two places that I highly recommend starting at!
I would love to hear feedback from other blended families.  Tell me, tell me, I need to know I'm not alone.  If it wern't so tired I'd dish out some real step family sagas that had me wishing I could dissapear to a tropical island.
So I'm calling out to blended families, Stepmoms, Stepdads, Stepsisters and Stepbrothers.  Tell what works or doesn't work?  What do you love about your stepfamily and what can't you stand about it?   Who should share a bedroom? Who gets the biggest room? Do you need to rotate who gets the biggest room? 
I have learned a lot and I am willing to share more of what I have run into that is helpful and would love to learn from you all in the new normal.